Size of the Problem

What is the size of the problem?

"How big is this problem?" is one of the most useful questions a child can learn to ask. It helps them slow down, look at what actually happened, and pick a reaction that fits.

• Small problem. I can fix it myself, pretty quickly. A broken pencil, losing a game, waiting for a turn.
• Medium problem. I need some help, or it takes a while to fix. Forgotten homework, a friend who is upset, feeling sick at school.
• Big problem. Someone is hurt or not safe, or it is an emergency. A fire, someone badly hurt, being lost.

This is not about telling a child that their feelings are too big. A small problem can come with a big feeling, and that is okay. The game is about the reaction, which is the part a child can learn to choose. And some problems really are bigger for a child than they look to an adult, so listen first.

How to play

• Sort the problems. A deck of ten cards, at least three of each size. For each card, choose small, medium or big, or drag the card into a box. The game says where most people would put it and why, and what could help. When a child's answer is different, it asks what would make the problem bigger or smaller, because that talk is the point.
• Match the reaction. Each problem comes with three reactions to choose from. One fits, one is a different size, and one is far off: a too-big reaction for a small problem, or doing nothing about a big one. A meter shows the size of the problem next to the size of the reaction.
• My problem scale. Fill in problems from the child's own life for each size, choose reactions that fit, and say who can help. Print it for home or school.

Size of the problem activities for a session

• Start with a real, recent problem the child brings in, and ask where it would go on the scale.
• Act out reactions. Show a too-big reaction to a small problem, then a reaction that fits. Kids love seeing the adult get it wrong first.
• Before a hard week, like a test or a move, sort the worries ahead of time and plan the reactions.
• Pair it with the anger thermometer to notice the feeling, and the coping skills toolbox for small reactions to practice.
• Send the problem scale home so parents and teachers use the same words.

Using it over telehealth

1. Open this page before the session.
2. Share your screen and press Present mode, so the problem cards fill the screen in large print.
3. Read each card aloud and let the child tell you small, medium or big, or send the link so they can tap and drag on their own device.
4. End with the problem scale and print or copy it. Nothing is sent to us.

Big problems and safety

Every big problem in the game is about safety: someone hurt, a fire, being lost, a stranger, someone hurting the child. If a child sorts one of these as small, it is a gentle chance to teach that safety problems are always big, and that telling a grown-up is always the right reaction. If a child tells you about something unsafe during the game, follow your usual safety and reporting steps. In an emergency, call 911.

For parents and teachers

Use the words in calm moments first: "Is this a small, medium or big problem?" Once a child knows the scale, a quiet "what size is it?" in a hard moment can be enough. Notice and name it when a reaction fits: "That was a small problem and you handled it with a small reaction." For more support, see our page on therapy for children.

Printable size of the problem chart (PDF)

The free PDF has three pages: a size of the problem chart with what each size means, examples, the reaction that fits and who can help; 15 problem cards and three size cards to cut out and sort; and a blank "my problem scale" for a child to fill in. It is free to print and share with families and schools.