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Strengths finder
Pick up to 5 strengths that are true of you, even a little. Then write down a time you showed each one. Evidence beats compliments. (0 of 5 picked)
What you write stays on this screen. It is not saved or sent anywhere, and it is gone when you close the page.
An educational aid to use with a therapist, teacher or parent. It is not a medical device and does not diagnose anything.
Self-esteem worksheets built on evidence
Telling someone with low self-esteem to "just believe in yourself" rarely works, because the part of them that disagrees has a lot of examples ready. These worksheets work the other way round. Each one asks for evidence: a real time you were kind, a real win, a real hard thing you got through. Evidence is harder to argue with than a slogan.
Do them in order, or pick the one that fits the day. The last tab puts everything on one page to print or copy.
1. Strengths finder
Pick up to 5 strengths from four groups: with people, how I think, how I keep going, and what I can do. Add your own if the right word is missing. Then, for each one, write down a time you showed it and, if you like, someone who would agree.
The example is the important part. "Kind" is easy to wave away. "I sat with my little brother when he was scared of the storm" is not. If a client cannot think of an example, ask what a friend, a grandparent or a coach would say.
2. Inner critic vs kind friend
Write down one harsh thing your inner voice says, and rate how much you believe it from 0 to 10. Then answer it as you would answer a good friend who said it about themselves. Note what the critic leaves out, rewrite the thought in a voice that is kinder and still honest, and rate the critic again.
The rewrite does not have to be cheerful. "I bombed that test, and one test is not my whole grade" is better than "I'm amazing," because the person can believe it. The "what would you tell a friend" question comes from self-compassion work, led by psychologist Kristin Neff, and the idea of testing a thought against the evidence comes from cognitive behavioral therapy, developed by Aaron Beck.
3. Wins and compliments jar
Add wins, big and small, and compliments people have given you, including the ones you brushed off at the time. The jar fills up as you go. Small wins count: getting up on a hard day, asking for help, saying no to something that was not right for you. A real jar works too. Write each one on a slip of paper and read a few on a bad day.
4. Things I've gotten through
Write down a few hard things you have already lived through, what helped you get through each one, and what it shows about you. Finish with a sentence to remember the next time things are hard. People with low self-esteem tend to forget their own track record. This puts it on paper.
Self-esteem activities for teens
- Skip the pep talk. Teens can tell when an adult is trying to make them feel better, so let the evidence do it.
- Play the inner critic as a role-play: you read the critic's line out loud, and the teen answers as the kind friend. It is easier to argue with a voice outside your head.
- Talk about comparison online. Ask what their inner critic says after twenty minutes of scrolling, and use that as the thought to work on.
- Let them fill it in on their phone, then copy the text to keep in their notes app.
- For more, our therapy activities for teens include question cards on identity and pressure.
Self-esteem games for groups
- Strength spotting. Each person reads out one strength they picked and their example. The group adds one more strength they have seen in that person.
- Critic and friend. In pairs, one person reads a critic thought from the examples, and the other answers as the kind friend. Then swap.
- The jar. Everyone writes one win from the week on a slip of paper. Mix them up, read them aloud, and guess whose win it is.
Using them with adults
The same worksheets work for adults, with examples from work, parenting and relationships. The inner critic worksheet is often the most useful, especially for perfectionism and harsh self-talk after a mistake. Things I've gotten through can be a steadying exercise during a hard season, like a job loss or a breakup.
Using them over telehealth or as homework
- Share your screen and fill in a worksheet together, typing what the client says.
- Or send the link as homework. The client fills it in at home, then prints or copies their worksheet to bring next time.
- Nothing is saved on our side, so the client does not need an account and nobody else can see what they wrote.
When low self-esteem is more than a rough patch
Low self-esteem that lasts for weeks, or that comes with feeling hopeless, pulling away from people or losing interest in things, can be part of depression or anxiety, and it is worth talking to a professional. Crown Counseling offers therapy for depression and counseling for teens in Brooklyn and by video. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988 any time, or call 911 in an emergency.
Printable self-esteem worksheets (PDF)
The free PDF has the four worksheets as blank pages: a strengths checklist with space for evidence, an inner critic vs kind friend page with the 0 to 10 scales, a wins and compliments jar, and a things I've gotten through page. It is free to print and share with clients, students and families.
